The oddest thing came to me in the email the other day. Don't know why I didn't "trash" it, or dared to run it. It looked like a video clip. I would just include it, but it was a one-use file and disappeared. I'll try to give you a script.
The scene opens as a boy and old man turn off a well lit, glitzy, street and start walking down a dimly lit deteriorating thoroughfare.
Boy - Grandpa, why are we going down here to the Affordables?
Old man - Well, you asked me what an appraiser does, and I thought this would be the best way for you to understand.
Boy - But, I mean, nobody comes down here.
Old Man - Well, that's not quite true. It's a long story.
Boy - Is this going to be another Way-Back-When-Story?
Old Man - Oh, sort of...
Boy - Is this gonna be really true?
Old Man - Too true. To begin with, remember what I told you about how people used to buy houses?
Boy - You mean when they borrowed money for longer than they were gonna live?
Old Man - Right. Well that worked for a while. Most things do. But eventually some people figured how to cheat.
Boy - Well, I mean, don't people always figure that out. Like, duh, why does Coach ref our baseball?
Old Man - Right again. The ref's used to be the appraisers. But after a while people decided that referees were too much trouble in a friendly little game.
Boy - But, wow, weren't they talkin' about real money?
Old Man - It was real enough, but nobody really "got it". The amounts were so absurd.
Boy - That doesn't make any sense...
Old Man - Well, true, but let's go on. So, anyway, people started to steal. First it was just little amounts. It was called "de minimis". I guess latin made folks feel better about it.
Boy - But that didn't last, right?
Old Man - Right. Pretty quick everybody said, "Well, I guess that worked pretty well. Why do we need appraisers at all?" They called it "pricing risk".
Boy - What does that mean?
Old Man - Basically that you could figure what people would steal and charge other people for it. But it only works if the robbers figure they might get caught. Otherwise they just start loading up shopping carts and walking out, which is about what happened.
Boy - OK. So what then?
Old Man - A couple of things. First of all there was a big bust when all the robbers couldn't or wouldn't pay back what they stole.
Boy - Gosh, why should they?
Old Man - Yeah, if you have one thief, maybe you can get him to cough up, but not if you have a million. And lot's of people had stolen something. A few were "caught" and made to pay back. But the guys who had really cleaned up also had enough money and smarts to hide out, hire lawyers and all that stuff. Pretty quick everybody got tired of chasing 'em. And, remember what I told you about Lobbyists? Pretty quick government figured it would be better to just forget about it.
Boy - I'll bet those politicians were afraid that if they chased far enough they might catch themselves.
Old Man - Might have, too. But anyway, government said, "Hey last time this happened we just had an auction." So all the bad loans were sold.
Boy - But didn't the Bad Guys just buy the good stuff?
Old Man - Mostly. After all, who knew better the good from the bad? But the punch line is that everybody figured afterwards that making loans for houses is pretty dumb. And government couldn't pay for any more stealing anyway, trying to pay for everything else, defense, social security. So now,, mostly, people just buy 'em and pay for 'em. After the auction house prices got a lot lower, so that works about as well or badly on balance as the old way.
Boy - But what does that have to do with being down in the Affordables?
Old Man - You've forgotten the appraisers.
Boy - Yeah. What happened to them?
Old Man - Well, about that same time there was an Energy Crisis. What it amounted to was that a lot of people didn't want to pay the real cost of their electricity. So, the government went and said they would let them pay what they wanted.
Boy - You mean the Affordables?
Old Man - Right. Well, it stands to reason that government can only come up with so much money. So if they're gonna sell electricity for less than it costs, they can only sell so much.
The old man stops at a basement door and fishes out a ring of keys.
Boy - What are we doin' here?
Old Man - Well, these folks had their power shut off about noon yesterday, so they need an energy appraisal...